Was It Worth It, Though?
by Saraceaser
Summary: Five times. Five times Saitama had tried to tell Genos, but for all the strength he had, he wasn't strong enough to attempt a sixth. [5and1 Things]


**Happy Valentine's Day!**

**Sara here with all your super sappy needs.**

**...I can't believe I binge wrote this last night.**

**Anyways... am I the only one who thinks Sai is impossibly adorable and precious?**

**(I know Genos does, but he doesn't count, so...)**

**Just me? Alright, I see how it is. :P**

**Oh, and warning: The H/C tag is there for a reason! It's definitely not that serious, but proceed with caution when the 3rd part comes up, alright?**

0o0o0o0o0

Saitama was determined.

Peeking over the manga in his hand - which he honestly hasn't read a single part of in the past twenty minutes - he watched through the kitchen window as Genos deliberately and efficiently did the dishes - not that he ever did anything inefficient, of course; Genos was the definition of efficiency, walking around with such fluffy-looking blond hair, beautifully intense golden eyes, a body that was literally _crafted_ like an amazingly _stunning_ piece of art…

Anyways, the point was that he was busy washing the dishes, and Saitama was waiting for the perfect opportunity.

What that opportunity _was_… he wasn't sure.

But better to just wing it, right?

With that fully in mind, Saitama put the book down and stood up, striding purposefully to the kitchen area.

Of course, Genos had already perked up as soon as he moved - undoubtedly thanks to one of the many scanners he seemed to possess, which Saitama admittedly didn't know how to feel about - and looked up, pausing in washing his dishes. Saitama came to a stop in front of the taller male, looking up into his golden eyes with all the determination he could muster.

Right, now all he had to do - _needed_ to do - was look into those captivating eyes - had they _always_ been such a pretty shade of amber? - and tell him everything he had wanted to say.

Simple.

"Yes, sensei?" Genos focused solely on Saitama, and he could tell his scanners were up from the flash of light in them. And _wow_, Saitama _really_ wanted to play with his soft, fluffy hair; would it feel like real hair…?

_No_, stay focused!

"Genos." Serious, had to stay serious. Genos straightened at the tone, focusing completely on Saitama…and he found it was surprisingly hard to keep eye contact.

"I… I need to tell you that-" _you are the most amazing person I've ever met and I don't deserve to be here with you; I lo-like - I like you and I was wondering if I could kiss you and maybe cuddle with you because you're so warm and I'm so very cold... _Which was everything Saitama _didn't_ say.

In fact, he didn't say anything at all, and by the confused look on Genos face, he probably looked stupid with his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

...Okay, this was not nearly as simple as he hoped it to be.

"Sensei?"

Come on, just say something, anything!

"-that I'm going out, _be back later-_!"

And the next thing he knew, Saitama was racing across the tops of the dilapidated and broken buildings of City Z, only coming to a halt when he reached one of the tallest skyscrapers.

Sighing, he sat on a ledge, he looking out across the almost post-apocalyptic city, bathed in the light of the late afternoon sky.

...He wasn't even sure why he tried in the first place.

0o0o0o0o0

The next time Saitama had the courage to even _think_ about telling Genos everything he wanted to tell him, they were both walking home from a market that had the most amazing deals.

As they walked, Saitama couldn't help but keep glancing down at Genos' free hand beside him. It would be so easy to reach down and-

"Sensei?"

Saitama snapped his head up so fast he almost could have sworn he got whiplash, and he could _feel_ that his eyes were like a deer's caught in a headlight.

Oh god, Genos didn't find out, did he?-

"Do you need help carrying your bags, Sensei? I noticed you kept glancing down at my hand," Genos said by way of explanation, his head tilting in a way that was so unfairingly endearing.

...Right.

_No_, wait a minute! This might be his chance!

To do what exactly, he wasn't really sure, but all he did know was right then and there he really, _really_ wanted to hold hands with Genos. Even if the thought made him sound like middle-schooler walking along with their crush.

Which, honestly, wasn't that far from the truth- _no_, stay focused, darn it!

"Genos." Okay, maybe the waiver in his voice didn't seem to be _quite_ as serious as he would like to be, but the blond straightened up anyways, so he must be doing something right.

...Had his golden eyes always been so captivating?

...Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

But he would _do it_!

As soon as he figured out how to say it, that is; he always _hated_ speaking; why do people need to speak to get their point across, anyways?

"Sensei? Are you alright?-"

_Ah_, that's why.

"Yeah, I'll just- I'll go on ahead and make sure the things are _put-away'mkaybye_-"

With a quick grab at the bags that Genos was holding - and oh god _he brushed against his hand_ \- Saitama was soon far ahead in a matter of moments, leaving behind what he knew was probably a very confused cyborg.

For all that he knew he was running away - and he almost found it funny that the man who couldn't be killed was running away from the one person who seemed to believe in him the most - why did it seem to _hurt_ each time?

0o0o0o0o0

The third time was a few weeks later, when it was sunny with a few puffy clouds in the sky, warm but not hot out, and there weren't any monsters or crooks running around, so there was no reason to leave the apartment, allowing for the occupants to relax and be lazy for a while.

And Saitama was having what he dubbed '_a bad day_'.

He wasn't _stupid_-

Memories floated to the surface of his numb mind: of him failing school to his parent's disappointment, of him never being able to understand other people, of him only being put into the C Class of heroes...

-Okay, maybe he was, but he still _knew_.

He knew that he was going through one of his bouts of depression. And honestly, he was almost inclined to feel surprised when he realized it's been quite a while since his last one.

Almost, anyways.

He was lying down, buried under his favorite comforter, the pink one with hearts, and had no interest in moving any time soon. Preferably ever.

Somewhere in the overwhelming void, he felt just the hint of a tinge of guilt when he heard Genos come through the front door, pause, and then walk over to the little hallway, but just as quickly he lost any will to care.

This isn't the first time he's gone through one of his '_bad days_' while Genos was present, and he really doubted it would be the last, too.

It is, however, the first time he kind of really did regret it - in the moment, at least; he always regretted his stupid weakness after the fact - as he promised to go with Genos to see a live show with him, but he was forced to go by himself.

Well, whatever.

It was just another thing he could mark down on the long, weighted list of things he did wrong by the blond.

He heard Genos return, but he couldn't really find it in himself to care; he just wanted to be alone and not move, not think, not do anything-

-and then there was something heavy on him.

He frowned, a frisson of discomfit and petulance blinking through the haze.

He wanted to be left _alone_.

Slowly willing his leaden arms to move, he painstakingly unwrapped himself from the comforter enough to peak out.

There, lying on top of him, was another blanket, and one he never seen before.

This one, however, had a strange remote attached to one of the corners.

He frowned, almost wanting to know-

-but just the thought of moving any further out made his body feel like stone.

Cold, hard stone.

Cold…? No, now it was getting warm.

He blinked when he realized the weight - the strange blanket - was heating up.

And… oh.

That feels… really good, like _really_ good.

With a moan of relief, Saitama all but melted under the now soft and toasty blankets.

"Are you feeling better, Sensei?" A soft voice asked.

"Mm… Genos, where…" he mumbled, feeling sleepy and oh-so warm underneath the blankets, curling up on his side.

"It was on sale at a store I passed by on the way here," he quietly explain, and Saitama felt him shift the blankets so that they covered him more completely.

He could just fall asleep like this; warm, comfortable, safe...

"Genos… you're…" ..._the best thing that ever happened to me._

He was asleep before the words could make it out his mouth.

0o0o0o0o0

The fourth time, he and Genos were at the amusement park together.

No, they weren't on a date, but Saitama could dream and pretend for a moment, right?

...It sounded a lot less pathetic when he didn't think about it too hard.

Either way, they were there because Saitama saw an ad for a new ride at N City's amusement park, and - in all his wisdom - mentioned only ever having gone to an amusement park once when he was really little.

Genos had smiled and said he used to go each summer with his family. And then the smile became really sad.

And then Saitama made the immediate decision that they were both going.

Because Genos should never, ever look like that. Not that he said that part out loud, of course.

So there they were, walking around the amusement park, and, well… it was actually a _lot_ more fun than he first thought.

Normally, he would be horrified at even the _thought_ of wasting money on the many games and expensive stand food once inside the park, but, well… after the first game of throwing darts at a bunch of balloons to win one of the giant prizes - which Genos, of course, excelled at - and then being given the giant fluffy sheep as a 'gift for you, Sensei!'... Saitama kind of caved.

After going through the many rides - and almost getting sick on cotton candy, ice-cream, and other very unhealthy snacks - and winning a bunch more games - most of which Genos won the prizes for Saitama, though he did eventually win one game and gave the blond his own prize which was a giant stuffed puppy, and oh, just that blinding smile was _worth_ the hundreds of cens wasted on trying to win the stupid thing - they were at last lined up for the ferris wheel.

The sun had begun to set, and judging from the line, the ferris wheel would be the last thing they had time to do.

Saitama hugged the sheep closer to his chest.

Sitting in a ferris wheel with the one that captured your heart, with the sunset in the background, that was super romantic and stuff, right?

"Sensei, it's our turn." Saitama blinked up, and felt his pulse race when he saw Genos waiting for him by the open carriage door.

Steeling his nerves, he walked - more like waddled from all the bags and stuff he carried along with his sheep - into the carriage, and as soon as Genos was properly seated across from him, the ferris wheel began to slowly make its ascent.

And for all that the view was amazing - one of the reasons he loved spending his free time sitting on top of skyscrapers - Genos was twice as gorgeous.

The golden light of the sunset shimmered through his blond hair, and glimmered on the precious metal of his arms, accenting the golden, living light that already flowed through that.

In other words, Genos was _breathtaking_.

...And he realized he was staring.

Quickly looking away, he stared firmly out the window, now all but crushing the sheep to his chest as he tried to ignore the way his face heated up.

He was acting ridiculous; he was a _hero_, for goodness' sake! Maybe he wasn't the best hero ever, and maybe most people - well, basically all except for a very select few - hated him, but _still_.

As they reached the top of the ferris wheel, he tried to organize his thoughts - maybe it would be better just to go for it? No, when does that ever work out for him, he needs to think this through and _stop panicking_ \- before finally turning to Genos.

"Hey, Genos."

The cyborg glanced at him from where he was still looking out the window at the view, and _oh_, the way the fading sunlight reflected in his eyes-

"I…. I want to tell you that-"

_BOOM!_ "_-I love you-_" _BOOM!_

The fireworks had begun.

"Sorry, Sensei, could you say that again?" Genos called over the thunderous explosion, but he was clearly distracted as he watched the sky explode in a multitude of colors, eyes aglow in wonder.

...Of course.

Really, Saitama wasn't sure what he was expecting.

Sighing, Saitama shook his head at the question, silently turning to look out the window himself, cradling the sheep to his chest in consolation. No need to pull Genos' attention away from something that made him so purely happy.

Well, there would always next time… right?

And, as he watched his shifting reflection in the window, he wondered when he would stop lying to himself.

0o0o0o0o0

The fifth time… he just gave up.

They were walking through the mall to pick up some things - and have a treat or two; they've been kicking monster butt consecutively over the past few days, and he thinks they earned it - and, well…

He was happy.

He was happy and relaxed and _content_, walking beside Genos who, from what he could tell from the way he ate his own gelato with vigor, was also happy, as well. Or, at least he thought so. He _hoped_ so.

Either way, it was the most content he's felt in a very long while, and… it was all thanks to Genos.

He might never be a master at social and emotional cues, but he knew that much.

Sneaking a glance at the handsome blond, seeing how happy he seemed… Saitama felt he could do it this time, like, _actually_ do it.

And if he couldn't - or worse, if he did, and was _rejected_… he didn't really want to think about that.

Pushing all thoughts of hesitancy aside, he lead the way to the main open food court, and to one of the more enclosed booths; if he was going to do this, he wanted as much privacy as possible.

For '_just in case_' when-if, _if_ he needed a quick get away and needed to lose himself in the crowd when this all went south.

As they sat across from each other, Saitama took in a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm his raging heart.

"Sensei?" He glanced up at the blond across from him, and he knew that he was using his scanners, could tell from the gleam in his golden, beautiful eyes… "Sensei, are you _sure_ you're alright? For the past few weeks you're pulse has been higher than normal…"

Swallowing his nerves, Saitama gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Yeah, just have been, ah, doing a lot of training and things... " He trailed off, looking off to the side; yes, that was a horrible lie, he knew that.

From the hum he heard from Genos, he could tell he didn't believe him, but thankfully he didn't say anything else. Clearing his throat in the following awkward moment - maybe he really shouldn't do this… - he gathered his courage, and with a deep breath, looked up at the one person who seemed to always believe in the good in him, even when he was anything but.

"Genos… I want to tell you something."

The cyborg looked up, a question on his face as he continued to eat his ice-cream.

"Well… you see, I-"

"OH. MY. GOD. IS THAT DEMON CYBORG!?"

...And just like that, what was left of Saitama's determination and will crumbled to dust.

When he stood up to move away from the enmasse of fangirls and guys, he was all but pushed out of the way as they swarmed the S-Class hero.

And he was left alone, standing and watching how _loved_ Genos really was from afar. Saitama felt… numb.

It took a while, but Genos was finally able to slip away from the growing crowd as the two made a hasty retreat.

"I'm sorry about that, Sensei," he apologized once they were out of the mall and the fans were no longer chasing them, "but you wanted to say something before we were interrupted?" He said, and was that a note of… hope, in his voice?

More likely Saitama was hearing things; he's never been good with people. Yet another reason why he shouldn't do this.

And looking at those innocent, pure eyes… no, he should never have even _thought_ about doing anything that could change that, could never drag Genos down into his own personal hell deeper than he already was.

This was for the best.

Saitama smiled, but it felt distinctly _wrong_ sitting on his face. "No, it was nothing; don't worry about it."

...He had to believe it was for the best.

No matter how much it hurt.

0o0o0o0o0

Saitama had been avoiding Genos; no matter where he is, or what's going on, if Genos approaches him - if he even looks at him with those piercing eyes - then Saitama automatically mumbles an incoherent excuse and turns tail, getting as far away as possible.

He knew he was running away, was fully aware of it, but he couldn't help it.

Just _looking_ at him hurt, almost more than he could bear.

He always wanted to laugh at the irony whenever the thought came up; for all the nothing could hurt him physically, this was the one thing that could.

Even now, while Saitama laid in the main room, tv on and book in hand, he could only keep glancing up at the main clock, anxious and nervous.

Genos was supposed to come home soon from his maintenance check. And for each really awkward night that passed, for each increasingly tense day that came and went, Saitama felt more and more wound up tight, like a spring that kept getting pulled and pulled.

And, sooner rather than later, he was going to snap in half.

For all the strength he possessed, _this_ was the one thing he's always been weak at.

Sighing, he set down his book, turning to stare morosely out the balcony window at the rain-filled sky. Of course, his luck was that if he was going to be put through this torture, why not go all the way and make it rainy and gloomy for almost a week straight now.

And he knew that if there was any way to make this better - to clear the tension that hung between them - it was either finally tell Genos what he's been trying to say for months now - which was no longer an option; wasn't really one to begin with - or… let him go.

Neither of which he wanted to happen.

Laying down, he turned on his side, tiredly watching the wavering light of the water sliding down the glass filter on the floor.

It was so _quiet_ without Genos around...

Glancing up, he absently reached over and grabbed his stuffed sheep, hugging it to his chest.

Burying his face in its soft fluff, he wondered what it would feel like to be snuggled against Genos; to be wrapped safely in those strong arms, resting his head against his warm chest, feeling the life thrum through his body…

Feeling mentally exhausted from the last few days, he sighed, closing his eyes as his chest beat with a longing he couldn't do anything about.

Maybe he could think of what to do once he took a quick nap…

...It's warm.

Something was really, really warm, and it was wrapped around him, like the heated blanket, but this warmth was… different.

Still on the edges of sleep, he sighed contently, snuggling back against the warm thing as he curled in closer against his sheep. Strong, warm arms gently tightened around him, and he couldn't help but smile at the feeling of just being safe that washed over him.

He could go back to sleep like this, knowing that Genos would keep him safe and warm…

…wait a second.

Saitama's eyes flew open, his heart all but stopping for a very long second.

The arms around him tightened, and he could _feel_ the vibrations that thrummed from Genos' body against his back.

"Sensei…"

In all the time that Saitama had known Genos, he's _never_ heard his voice sound like that.

His heart felt like it was trying to beat out of his chest.

"Uh… yeah?" His voice caught in his throat, coming out hoarse and small and _was Genos kissing the back of his head?_

He could feel himself verging on the edge of a panic attack. But at the same time, he honestly didn't want to move from such a comfortable position.

Saitama had no idea what to do. His fingers dug into the soft fluff of the squishy, plush sheep.

It was silent for a few minutes, and if it wasn't for the reassuring whir of Genos' core against his back, he would have felt inclined to move, or at least turn and try to figure out what was going through the blond's head because he sure didn't know and was it always so hard to breathe in here-?

"...For the past few months, I noticed you kept wanting to tell me something; now, you are constantly avoiding me, and won't look at me."

His voice against his ear was soft, warm, soothing, and Saitama was sure he was going to have a heart attack.

"Saitama," oh, yeah, he was _going to die_ and- "why do you keep running away? Do you hate me?"

And he just sounded so unbelievably _sad_, and Saitama _couldn't_-

He shook his head, burying his face into his sheep as he spoke; anything to not look into _those eyes_...

"It's- I don't hate you Genos; never did, never could. It's nothing you did; I just… I can't…" He huffed in frustration; why can't he ever say what needs to be said? Why was this so hard?

Genos was silent behind him for a moment while he internally ranted, then he felt him shift.

Before he could so much as blink, Genos had gently rolled him onto his back, hands planted on either side of his head, and hovering so he had no choice but to look into his eyes.

Saitama squeezed the sheep he still had to his chest, staring wide-eyed at the calculative look on Genos' face.

The blond seemed to search for something before his eyes flicked back to bore holes into Saitama's eyes.

...Saitama had no idea what to do.

What was he _supposed to do?_

"...Saitama." If Genos kept saying his name like that… "What do you want to tell me?"

And though it was a question, he could tell there was no way he was getting out of answering the quiet, sincere demand.

And… Saitama couldn't do this.

Turning his head, it was all he could not to drown under the tidal wave of emotions that threatened to take him under.

"I love you."

He closed his eyes, accepting his fate as he waited for the inevitable rejection.

Maybe-maybe this wasn't all that bad; after all, Genos seemed to forgive Saitama for even his worst mistakes. Perhaps they could at least still be friends…? He desperately hoped so, anyways-

-he froze when felt hand grip his shoulder-

-and then there was something pressing against his lips.

Saitama gasped, eyes blinking wide before squeezing shut, hands automatically letting go of the sheep to come up and fist the blond's shirt.

It felt like an eternity before Genos pulled away, but he was too dizzy with the tumultuous feelings running through him.

_Why_\- It couldn't possibly mean what he desperately hoped it meant, could it-?

"Saitama-Sensei." He blinked, focusing his eyes up to see golden ones looking down at him, and - _oh_ \- he's never seen anyone look at him like _that_ before… "I love you too, Sensei."

...He heard wrong. There was absolutely _no way_-

Genos lent down and began peppering sweet kisses all over his face, that smile still sitting there- "I love you, Saitama; I have for _so long_."

He pulled away, the smile now taking on a distinctly bittersweet edge, "I thought you found out or I did something to hurt you for you to begin to avoid me like you did."

Saitama shook his head, still reeling from all this - because apparently _Genos loved him_ \- "No; no, I avoided you because I thought - I thought there was no way you could feel - that we could -"

Genos seemed to decide the best way to stop Saitama's rambling was with kisses.

He wasn't wrong.

"I love you Saitama; you're strong, brave, and you're just a good person; how could I not love you?"

...Saitama had no idea what to say.

"Sensei?" Genos asked, concern now filtering through; a hesitant hand wiped at his cheeks, coming back wet. "Are you alright, Sensei? Should we got to the doctors?"

"...Idiot."

The one he loved was an idiot, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Reaching out, he grabbed Genos, and rolling them onto their sides, he did the one thing he's been thinking about for so long; he snuggled right against his warm chest, and sighed in relief when Genos wrapped his arms back around him.

And he's never felt so much in his life.

He loved it.

"...I can't hug the sheep like this."

The warm chuckle that he felt reverberate from the blond's chest was almost worth the wait.

"You rather cuddle with the sheep rather than me? I noticed you wouldn't let go of it, even when I was holding you. Does that mean you like it more than me?"

Saitama would never admit the fact that he snorted a small laugh at the playful pout in Genos' voice; he never thought it would be possible, yet here they were.

"You're an idiot."

And before the cyborg could say anything in return, Saitama reached up and gave him a pointed kiss.

It took a long time, but he was finally where he wanted to be the most; the wait was worth the pain.

Genos always would be.

**This can also be called 'in which Saitama realizes what he missed out in high school, and how much of a sappy love-struck idiot he actually is.'**

**Which is fine, since, you know, Genos is a sappy love-struck idiot, too.**

**They just needed a little push, is all. **


End file.
